Willie Dynomite

Abraham Linkin is a renegade hip-hop group. Two dope boys in a Cadillac slinging comedy. In the hip-hop realm of mouthpiece and bathing apes, they rapped about being broke and masturbation. In the politically correct wasteland of Bay Area comedy, they made the word “bitch” fashionable again. They wielded social networks like guns and axes. They hit up every worthwhile open microphone and showcase. They made shirts, catchphrases, tell-all videologs, music videos, press materials, and most importantly, great music rife with clever, crisp, absurd, offensive, endearing, relatable comedy. They generated a buzz in the one place you’re not allowed to. From the muck of Bay Area supercoolness, the light of Abraham Linkin rose to the clouds of record deals and sponsorships. And then, with a sharp pang of microphone feedback, it was gone.

I can’t tell you why the two broke up because I don’t know. I can express my sincere despondency about the rise and demise of Abraham Linkin.

Abraham Linkin, composed of Larrell Tyler and Will Hatcher, resonated for a few reasons. Musically they were smart, polished, stylish, and socially conscious without being pretentious or disingenuous. The group had the dope factor. Every successful hip-hop act has the dope factor: some genuine, some fabricated, some long-lasting, some fleeting, some eternal, some flavor-of-the-month. It’s what separates the corny hobbyist stringing words together through a plastic microphone from the rhyme marshal spitting through a condenser microphone in the booth with a movement on their back.

Comically the group took two forms of comedy and created their own voice. Within the constructs of satire (lampooning hip-hop swaggerists) and musical comedy Abraham Linkin were able to take everyday things and drill them into the minds as catchphrases and hooks. Facebook, homeless people, fat black women, and a slew of other topics are definitively illuminated within the group’s repertoire.

Finding Abraham Linkin was finding a new favorite band; the ones you’ll take your friends to go see, the ones you buy their self-release EP from the source, the ones you write blogs about and cover songs of. The ones you know each member on a first name basis, or go road tripping to their first tour gig. The ones whom you demand acceptance of from your significant other or the ones you claim in elitist musical conversations. The ones you’ll dislike as they become popular and say “they peaked with their second album”. The ones you tell whoever will listen that you knew them from the beginning, the ones you reminisce about when you’re forty. Could Abraham Linkin have become that cult-crossover band like Metallica or Modest Mouse? We’ll never know; they left too soon.

Before they left, the group dropped a promotional mixtape. For a mere $5 I received the Abraham Linkin infused compact-disc from an extremely high Larrell at the Brainwash. Thusly, I present a review for “Abraham Linkin: Bitch What Ya Thinkin Vol. 1”

Note: this product is ghetto approved. ID3 Tags are ghostly. Names/information herein are either from deductions or assumptions. I reserve the right to be wrong.

Track One

The jawn opens fittingly with “Swine Flu”, the initial track performed at 800 Larkin that brought Abe Linkin to my attention. Originally the song contained a section of discussion upon the origins of a friend’s swine flu infection. The official version of this “Miss You” hood ballad maintains a high pork diet as the culprit for swine flu. That’s right, Porky Pig is not to be trusted. Master P’s “I Miss My Homies” or Bone Thug’s “Crossroads” are outmatched in sentimentally: “When you died it really hurt/ [be]cause they buried you… in my favorite t-shirt!” Damn you swine flu.

Get Lower Than Your Self Esteem

The C.D. includes other Abraham Linkin originals: “Facebook”, “Homeless and Sexy”, “Spend the Night” and “Go Precious”. These sultry sexified jams are more Teddy than Riley, more Jagged than Edge, more Black than street. The kind of music you massage feet to (perhaps even rub amputee nubs if you’re into that). These songs stand out as charmingly ironic and passively raunchy while speaking on the frustrations of being single.

"I met her on Facebook and I invited her to my place

But when she showed up, man you should have seen my face

When I looked at her face, I could believe it

Cause she looked like my nigga

I said ‘Devin?’

She said ‘Who?’

'Nevermind, come on in'”

“Spend the Night” features hilarious off-meter rhyme schemes as it speaks of the ultimate male safety net with confidence and gusto. “Why you bust in my room, I told you I was sleeping/ and then they would reply/ If you were sleeping, what were you doing with your hand?” It’s a devilish disappointment when others get in the middle of the business of pleasure.

“Homeless and Sexy” is a smorgasbord of street living references pandering to panhandlers without a secretion of sadnes - Courting Comedy

When you think of cool, you think of Ross, right? Right???? No? Sorry, you probably know it by its street name: Ross Dress For Less. Yup. There it is. It's the hippest. So it should be no shock then that for some inexplicable reason the discount department store has a rap video celebrating it's glory. It's sung by the group Abraham Linkin and it's filled with lines like "last year timbs, I got it at Ross." So you'll know exactly where to go when you want outdated footwear. Plus, "their stuff is so cheap that it's almost free." - Huffington Post

When you think of cool, you think of Ross, right? Right???? No? Sorry, you probably know it by its street name: Ross Dress For Less. Yup. There it is. It's the hippest. So it should be no shock then that for some inexplicable reason the discount department store has a rap video celebrating it's glory. It's sung by the group Abraham Linkin and it's filled with lines like "last year timbs, I got it at Ross." So you'll know exactly where to go when you want outdated footwear. Plus, "their stuff is so cheap that it's almost free." - Huffington Post

There are plenty of self-help books on the market, but few tell it to you straight. Who wants to read a story about how some Joe Schmoe turned his life around and went from rags to riches when your success can be guided by simply watching your dog? Yes, your dog. At least, that's Willie Dynomite's philosophy.

Look Like a Man, Act Like a Bitch, as described by Willie himself, is a "self-help book about success principles I learned from my dog." We should probably state for the record that Will Hatcher is the comedian behind the Willie Dynomite stage persona and his debut book is all in good fun - a jest, you might say. Or as he would say: "The best way to describe my book would be if Dave Chappelle and Dr. Seuss got together and made a self-help book."

"In the book, I make the argument that the female dog, a.k.a. the bitch, is one of the best role models we can have," says Hatcher. He gives examples on how his dog has made him a better man and in turn can help you turn your life around; "I also reference Lassie," he says.

The book will be Hatcher's first published work; he says he wrote and illustrated a comic book when he was in elementary school, "but sadly, it was never published."

Perhaps all he was missing was love? Love was the driving force that compelled Hatcher to write Look Like a Man, Act Like a Bitch - his love of bitches.

"My love for bitches is the first reason and my love to help people is the second," he explains. It's quite simple, actually; Hatcher believes his message "of acting like a bitch" can save people's lives. If your life needs saving, Hatcher may just have the solution you're looking for in his book.

Comedy lovers might recognize Hatcher from the South Beach Comedy Festival back in 2010, or from his YouTube channel, Delicious Bath Water. "I just like to do creative stuff - sometimes I create stand up bits, or movies, or books - my goal is just to make people laugh and inspire them to do creative stuff too," he says. Aside from his book tour, Hatcher has a few other creative projects in the works.

Building off his YouTube fame, Hatcher's tech startup, which also goes by the name Delicious Bath Water, is a "tech production company that specializes in fun stuff," but that's all he's going to tell us about that now. Hatcher and his team were finalist in last year's NewMe PopUP Accelerator program when it came to South Florida, "and we've been using that to motivate us to finish the year strong."

Comedian and writer are just two sides of this triple threat. His third talent? Filmmaking. Currently, he's in pre-production for an indie film he wrote. "I'm biased, but I think it's the greatest script ever written," he says, adding that he'll probably drop a rap album soon "because it feels appropriate for some reason."

Hatcher will visit LAB Miami this Saturday starting at 7 p.m. Hatcher promises a "cool, mellow jazzy show with a splice of comedy, a pinch of complimentary Deep Eddy Vodka and some killer dance moves by yours truly." Copies of Look Like a Man, Act Like a Bitch will be available for purchase, and each comes with a free hug from Dynomite himself. Tickets are free, but there's a limited amount, so register here to secure your spot. - Miami New Times